If you want to live a meaningful life, access your creativity, and respond to the many crises happening in the world, then tending to your own mental health is a necessity.

It always seemed like other people understood the rules, and somehow I’d missed that class. I wondered whether pegging my pants, getting the wave in my bangs just right (hello, early 90s), or some other cryptic identifier would help me to feel as though I belonged. I gravitated towards other weirdos, and had plenty of privilege, but I didn’t have a lot of examples of people talking about how I felt to help me understand what was happening inside (God bless the internet for making this more accessible to everyone!)

It’s hard when the people who inform how we experience the world don’t have the words to help us make sense of our feelings. Or when our caregivers are so caught up in their own difficulties that our needs get dismissed or overlooked.

I grew up in a family that was fearful of big feelings. As a result, I learned early on how to numb myself because I believed that created safety, and therefore connection. Instead, it cut me off from my ability to be true to myself, because if you can’t feel, it’s hard to know what you like or don’t like, and in turn how to have good boundaries in relationships. Learning that having strong feelings is totally normal and not something to be afraid of is a gift I love passing onto others.